20061212

dream, girl...


my daily tarot consistently tells me that i have my head in the clouds, & it's time i plant these feet on terra firma.
i say
fuck
my
daily
tarot.

the stars are aligned in somebody else's favor these days.
this game's not made for winning
yet
i'm willing to play it.

okay, enough cryptic shit.

today
i learned that i'm no good with love.
i don't know how to & frankly i don't wanna.
i'll use time as my "excuse".
what i said in my last blog is true: i'm learning to mix selectivity with my whimsy.
i ain't got time to be gabbin on the phone.
i ain't got time to "waste" out in the streets.
i don't have time to sell dreams, cuz i'm chasin my own.
i'm no good with love cuz love is no good with me.
it doesn't call when it says it will.
it doesn't fuck me long & hard enough.
it doesn't make me wanna be a better person.

music does.
so
to me
music is love.
so
lemme love my music first
and
i promise it'll teach me how to love u.

i'm a dream girl.
saw the movie & it was...good. my mind wasn't blown, but i was entertained.
made me realize that i need to ground myself in my art first & let the rest of this shit figure itself out.

whoever said women are dramatic must have never dated a man.

damn.
i thought i was done countin ur freckles.
i thought u were done recurrin.
waitin for u? never.
willin to share u? *same as above*
so, now what?

like i said
i'm a dream girl.
when will dream boy let me go?

honestly, it's not even about that.
i'm just so excited about my life these days that i can't speak/think clearly.
on the flipside
i'm surrounded by some dominant male energy & it's twistin me sideways.

i'll just take matty's advice & write a million songs about it.

in the meantime
i
dream dream like the song says.