end of our era .

i've always been this way . mysteriously transparent . knowingly self-centered . confused . yet willing , somehow . willing to open myself to all of you without caring about your rejection . your questions . your disapproval . i've always been this way . evolved ? sure . still me ? definitely . a lot has changed , yeah . i am deeply rooted in my purpose now . i am directly responsible for the well being of another human life . every single choice i make has to have my best interests in mind because they are tied to the interests of another . i no longer have time for fear or indecision . immobility . amateur-ity (i made that up , but it rolls off the tongue like it's always been a word so shrug) . . . allow me to reintroduce myself to you . let me direct you to the first page of this blog . read it in full & take me out of it . insert yourself into my perspective . connect . fucking feel something , then re-read this post . i have always been this way . the person pushing you to confront . the person forcing you to explain . the person convincing you that you are incredible . how many times can i tell you who YOU are before you start to understand exactly who I am ? lemme start from the beginning . i started this blog so many years ago during the break up of a romantic relationship . here i am now lost in the emotion of another type of break up with the same person , cursing myself for not heeding my feelings & words back then . i shouldn't have stuck around to continue to be misunderstood after so many years of so-called understanding . i can no longer prove my worth to the worthless . my truth lies here within these posts . where is yours ? cuz see . . . i've always been me . praying you begin to find you . cheers to the end of an era . luckily , the best thing about the book of life - it never runs out of chapters . don't be afraid to flip the fucking page .


i fell in love.

i fell out .

fell back in again .

ran away .

ran back .

got played .

been out .

trying to get back .

anybody listening ? . . .


why imprison yourself with a lie when you can free yourself with the truth ? . . . like , i truly have no patience for adults who continue to live their lives in a cycle of lies . claiming to unintentionally hurt others while intentionally deceiving them . taking no responsibility for their own actions , yet claiming to be one of the good ones . one of the higher frequency dwellers . spewing spiritual rhetoric like they've done an ounce of your spiritual work . newsflash : the basis of spirituality is a very simple notion - acknowledging that you do not exist singularly in this world . acknowledging that we are indeed inter-dependent ; trusting that whatever decisions you make for yourself , be them big or small , will either directly or indirectly affect every single being in the universe . knowing that we are all connected regardless of how separate we seem to be . this awareness will , in turn , force you to consider others - will inspire you to make better decisions . without this awareness you can not set proper , non-egotistical intentions during meditation . without this basic realization you can not put your best foot forward in the world and reap righteous benefits from the universe . you will simply recreate your suffering over and over again . feel free to take that chance on your own . sting said it best : "truth hits everybody . truth hits everyone ." consider this your wake up call .


hello . remember me ? . . . long story short , that feeling i felt way back when . . . that inner voice that made this blog necessary . . . well , i feel it again . somewhere deep inside of me that old feeling of discovery , and questioning , and insecurity , and overall indifference toward humanity has been shaken awake and . . . well . this is all i know . it took me months to remember my login for this ill begotten blog , but today it happened and for good reason . long story short : i'm a practicing buddhist now and this was the first time that i cried like a baby during guided meditation . if i knew the reason for that outburst i wouldn't be here right now . but , i am . so , let's begin . again . missed you .


feels good to be home . . . . .


completely naked .

i'm on a spiritual journey & it's unlike any other road i've ever traveled . lately i'm realizing a lot of things abt myself that need fine tuning . i want to have healthy relationships . . . i want to be inspired . . . i want to freely explore the inner workings of this crazy mind of mine . i'm trying new things that i never considered . . . borderline starting over , hurting feelings , being selfish (& learning how to not feel guilty abt my selfishness as it is a means of learning how to be more selfless) , listening & not speaking , stepping outside of my comfort zone , being completely honest . meditating . mastering this unknown road on my own & figuring out why it's so important for me to maintain my singularity . . . stripping myself to the core .

nothing makes sense right now . i don't know how to share everything that is happening inside of me without sounding cliche . it's not that big of a deal , rather something we all strive for . self-awareness . or some sort of self-awareness , as we are never fully complete since life is a neverending journey , but . . . here i go , finally putting the work & study into what i think will be a spiritual awakening for my amazingly complicated soul . no cutting corners , no excuses . wish me luck .

first things first , i have given up one vice that continually (& unintentionally) leads me down the wrong path . the one thing that drives my creativity & songwriting . . . the one thing that oozes from my pores subconsciously . dare i say it aloud , or is it obvious ?

bottom line : i will meditate throughout the day to keep me from missing this . 21 days to break a habit , ay ? well , i've far surpassed that . lets see how much farther i can get . . .


buy . wear . trip freely . . .

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