it's been a long while & i'm sure you're just as over me as i am . the past couple weeks have been a blur of me tryin to figure out exactly who i am as an artist & how to relay that to the business people who are out to exploit me . no . i'm not turnin into lauryn hill just yet . i'm not freakin out & changin my mind abt everything . i'm just realizin that this game is simply a test of inner strength . "never let em see u sweat" should be ringin in my head everytime i open my mouth to say anything , but as an emotionally impulsive leo i have a hard time bitin my tongue . since people generally have a hard time dealin with strong minded females i've been tryin to learn how to cool my jets & just go with the flow , all the while remainin head strong without compromisin great opportunities & castrating the men that i work with . so , in efforts to maintain a level head i've removed myself from my business & vowed to stay creative .
oh , how that creativity always comes with a catch .
there's people to answer to & wait for . there's hardly enough money . there's never enough time . on the eve of my 26th bday i'm runnin around like a chicken with my fuckin head cut off tryin to direct those who are helpin us flesh out our creativity . i'm tryin to spend time with my neglected best friend , & find replacement parts for a cuisinart blender i broke inna fit of margarita madness . i'm tryin to do my laundry , which wasn't such a difficult task till i blindly mistook the bleach for the fabric softener , hence , a disgusting mess of blotchy black dresses that i wasn't really ready to sacrifice just yet . i have 2 mtgs back to back . gotta finish my "homework" assignment for the director of our live concert film . gotta pick up my friends keys . need to pick up money from beverly hills . was supposed to meet up with my family in palm springs for a special bday dinner , but my career calls , so r & r is a dream deferred . blah blah blah , nobody cares to hear u complain today briana . this is the bed you've made , so roll around in it .
i have not learned the art of slowing down
i probably won't until people stop carin abt who i am & what i do .
i did , however , slow down to write this little blurb just so u know that i haven't completely fallen off the wagon just yet .
who knows what will happen .
spirit broken ? maybe .
but who cares ?