under pressure .

this ain't as easy as it used to be .
am i , dare i even say it , losin my edge ? ? ?
me thinks not .
i'm just under this massive pressure to record a "hit" .
everybody's forcin that word down my throat this week .
"write a hit & the rest is simple" , yeah ?
not so much .
i am trudgin thru it , but who is to determine what a hit sounds like these days ?
the usual "hit" framework is all topsy turvy .
i'm lost somewhere between artistic integrity & what will be catchy enuff for radio .
i'm somehow supposed to blend my complex creativity with my run of the mill pop sensibilities .
i'm wrapped around my own head . worryin if the song even makes sense , when who cares anyway ?
does it make people dance ? does it get stuck in peoples' heads ? will my a&r's young kid wanna download & play it a million times ?
now i'm left to re-evaluate what i'm doin this for .
yeah . i'm good at what i do & i know that i was put here to do it , but at what cost ?
i've been doin it for so long without gettin paid that there certainly isn't any harm in finally reapin the benefits of what i've sewn , yeah ?
take will.i.am for instance . he was makin records with the black eyed peas that couldn't sell for the life of him , & after "keepin it real" for so long he finally ditched the integrity for another zero on his royalty check . can't really blame him . yeah , it's nice to keep it real , but why be broke forever when it's so simple to make music money ?
hmm .
i guess my point in all this is now simple :
fuck the heads . i'm makin music for lil billy jo in bumblefuck usa now . if i wanted to keep it real & make music simply for the true music lovers i wouldn't have signed a major deal . not to say we , J*DaVeY , won't always keep 1 foot in the real world . no use in lettin both feet leave the ground . but for the sake of winnin i'll much oblige the major & write at least 3 repetitive , catchy , no brainers . then i'll collect my check , turn around , & make some abstract , mellow dramatic , super strange collage for all of my loyal music weirdos .
now that i've made myself feel better about , here goes nothin .
no worries , babies .
this is simply a part of growin up . onward & upward .

"no paparazzi" shot courtesy of rony's photo booth .