20071018

one year later .



well well well .

it has already been a year . we have shared twelve long months together , & as i take a look back at all the rants & raves i become rather disappointed in myself . while one would love to look back on their year & see change in the right direction i look back & feel as though i have regressed . there were so many things i set out to accomplish with this blog & i'm not so sure i've done it . mainly i wanted to establish a candid dialog with myself , one that didn't hide behind walls ; one that didn't find shelter in dimly lit corners . i wanted to look back at the end of the year & find myself completely open . instead , i find myself searchin for privacy . instead of makin an effort to open myself i now feel as though i have become more closed . maybe it's because there is too much harm in bein completely open & honest about who i am . or maybe i became infatuated with the belief that u don't want who i truly am , rather who u think me to be . let me say that this blog has not been an open letter to my friends & those who closely know me . this blog was an effort to clear my clouded mind . when i started this thing i was in a state of mental & emotional turmoil & i needed release . i assumed that spillin my guts would help me to remain sane . for a while the mayhem did just that , & then somehow , somewhere , i lost sight & unfortunately became quite random . i put a mask over my real feelings & forced out random rhetoric because somewhere , somehow , along the line i lost track of who i am as well as who i am tryin to be . i remain elusive so i don't have to figure it out . i straddle the fence because i'm often too afraid to lose & more afraid to choose . i'm not afraid to admit that i am a beautiful mess in need of some figurin out . i have to realize that maybe i don't have all the things i want right now because i am not in the right place to receive such victory . am i guilty of self-sabotage ? perhaps . am i simply a fool for livin from day to day like tomorrow will never come ? too much of a dreamer , they say . waitin for my life to start . wishin somethin would happen , like a sign to let me know that i just need to take a deep breath & shut up . my chaotic mind knows no rest . even when i'm asleep my wheels are turnin . i guess i'm just still in the "quarter life crisis" rotation . second guessin myself & everyone else .

snap out of it , jack davey . hang on to urself .

i'm just inna funk today . there's so much to be done & never enough money to do it . i was naive when i thought bein signed would make music makin a lot easier . if anything , labels make creativity harder , thus we're forced to move on our own . this whole process would be so much more efficient if a&r guys were actually smart instead of overpaid talent scouts who really want to be hollywood socialites . thank god me & my partner had the good sense to record two records on our own before even gettin signed . ahhhh , the things we are able to do independently while signed are truly amazin . whatever . the force that is the J*DaVeYNaVy will soon be with all of u .

for lack of anything better to say i now declare a "happy first birthday ! " to this blog . i promise to change for the better this time around .