20081221

today .



i love waking up in the middle of the bed .

what a change from the previous week i had . i finally took a deep breath & settled into the finality of this process . i was starting to wonder if i was simply devoid of sanity , or if perhaps this was a common problem with artists . we get to a certain point in our creative lives where we forget how to deal with our creativity . the talent becomes the enemy . it's like being at turmoil with ur own very existence . we lose footing with who we are & what we're doing & why . there's pressure from all sides & it's hard to know who to trust , so we sometimes distrust ourselves .

what a lonely place .

channeling that duality in the music is something i toy with everyday , & perhaps that's what keeps me somewhat together . i'm releasing my experience through self-satire . . . hmm . . . i've said too much . okay . i'm not allowing myself to take me so seriously . my mind does enough of that , & i won't subject my music to the same torture .

& how is the music not a true reflection of ur mind ?

. . .

well , my studious friend , it is a true reflection of my mind , but only after it's traveled thru my heart . sometimes those two parts of me are at odds . that's turning out to sound like a great thing .

wait for it . . .