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the rain is perfect for my mood .
not necessarily melancholy , but in between the black & white . a smoldering shade of grey . it's borderline sexy .

hmm .
now that i think abt it , this rain is horrible for my mood & my progress alike . go away . don't come back another day . . . before the end of this trial period anyway . i've stopped making sense . to myself , therefore to u as well . i'm contemplating complete with drawl from everyone . i don't want to care abt anybody else's problems anymore . i'm sick of listening to ppl talk abt how amazing they are . how sad they are . how pitiful they are . how whatever the fuck they are . i'm on my own shit , so leave me be , right ? wrong . the universe will not allow me to do so . because for some odd reason i actually give a shit abt other ppl even when i try to convince myself that i don't . i just want to say , "i may not be perfect , but nobody in this shithole gets me . . . " but what good would that do ? although perhaps it's true . nobody in this shithole gets me . i'm starting to believe that perhaps that's a good thing . it is what it is , & who i am to change it ? to change me for the sake of someone else's short-sidedness . . . is that even a word . does it matter ?

day 1 without u is hard .
i'm aggy . restless . feeling like there's something i should be doing although there's nothing . now i see why ppl smoke cigarettes .

whatever .