20090216

21 days .



to break a habit .
perhaps i'll last a bit longer .
if i'm lucky .
sunday proved to be a heavy day for me . i was faced with the realization that i'm borderline insane & in need of some boundaries . or clarity . answers to the questions that i've allowed to go unanswered because i have been under the naive assumption that i am well adjusted . whatever that even means anyway . so , today i woke up & realized that perhaps my um , addiction dare i say ? . . . perhaps my addiction is what is holding me back from true enlightenment . i'm so focused on satisfying my vice that i can't accept real blessings into my life .

i guess .

i walk around believing that being a realist . . . a follower of some universal law that i've created simply based on what i want when i want it . controlled by some omniscient genius , my jiminy crickett , my gift . but what's if worth if nobody else is understands that ? should i even care is the question that my ego keeps telling me , but doing unto others as i want to be done rings true .

ha . here i go again .

without naming my addiction out loud i'll quietly embark upon this journey toward true self-awareness & see where i end up . if i end up anywhere at all . at some point i would have to go against my own personal universal law & see it someone else's way . hmm . when . . . if this doesn't work at least i'll be able to say i gave it the old college try , right ?

riiiiiiiiiiight . . .

&
this is what happens when u see urself thru someone else's eyes .
remind me never again to opt for this p . o . v .