r a n d o m .

i never meant to appear to be deep . i never wanted to pretend to know anything at all . like right now i'm not sure if it's good to admit i probably will never have it figured out . that i'm blissfully happy yet scared shitless of myself at the same time . that sometimes i may say some things that i really don't mean . that i'm afraid to need u yet i miss u madly . that i'm glad ur still willing to be around despite how fucked up i am .

there's a certain therapy in saying things out loud .

perhaps i'll come out from behind this rock & tell u face to face . perhaps these are things u already know . that i'll never stop fighting myself . that there just may be a padded cell with my name on it . the realization of that is easy to swallow as long as u promise to come with me when they come to commit me . i can't do this without u . i won't .