i'm scared. ...is that taboo? to be afraid; to feel fear. seems like these days we are innundated with so many "good vibes only", hyper-positivity reminders that we forget that we need to feel fear. the fear is the trigger to push thru or pass by & it's the toughest beast to stare in the eye. just when you think you have it all figured out something you really want or love or hate comes rushing at you & you're faced with that choice - push thru? pass by? i've always prided myself on doing the work. this entire blog WAS the work, facing myself at my darkest times and actually sharing it with others was therapy. allowing myself to be inspired by everything i saw...the travel, the drugs, the lovers, the books, the loneliness, the highs, the lows...i was in free feel. pushing thru AND passing by simultaneously. is that healing? is that the work i've been relying on to support my emotional intelligence? giving my attention to all things but at the same time resisting them. i'm scared. i have to start this work all over again, but i'm not quite sure how. i have to unlearn myself. i have to tune out the noise. it's time for the woman i am now to push thru so the girl who started this journey can pass by. i can't lean on her work anymore, but i'm grateful for the hell she went thru to get me here. standing on the edge of forever. reframing my mess of a self-portrait. realizing that maybe i'm not so much of a mess after all. yeah, fucking scary...but in that good way.