boys .

"they're all alike . at first they behave very well , they're obedient & prompt & they don't seem capable of killing a fly , but as soon as their beards appear they go to ruin ."

. . .as according to gabriel garcia marquez .

cream .

get on top .
just a lil monday morning happiness . . .


sleep to dream .

he makes me write a journal entry every time i leave in a notebook he had lying around .

why ? i'm not so sure . maybe he's trying to crack my code . maybe he's trying to get into my head so deep that it will drive me crazy in that bad but oh so good way . maybe he's waiting to sabotage me in the future with this intimate evidence like he did the others . i told him that the minute it's all over i'm taking the journal with me . he thinks i'm kidding & then criticizes the crazy things i write while i'm half asleep yet upright & pretending to function . he's never satisfied . i say , i'll never write another entry for you again , but he says one thing that completely slaps that proclamation outta my mouth .

i hate it when he does that , but i drag myself to the journal every time & jot down the first thing that pops into my head upon reading his desired topic . "3 words u would use to describe me" . i picked 3 that started with the letter "i" without having to use that insanely huge unabridged webster's dictionary he keeps under his bed , covered my tracks , & waited all day for his response .

i got the typical biting remark . . . biting only to hide his satisfaction . he . . . the one who is looking for perfection which is based on a long list of "this's & that's" which will probably not even matter in the long scheme of things . even he / she who has a million perfect options has to decide what's most important : conversation , connection , & honesty . with his vocabulary & my imagination the conversation was constantly flourishing . . . the connection was unforced & uniquely genuine that it seemed effortless . as for honesty , well . . . he loved to hear me say , "i don't care . do what u want" because of the hint of freedom it provided , yet he knew that maybe all of this brutal honesty would not allow me to fall as hard as he actually wanted me to . we played a great game of pretend & we both wanted the upper hand at all times . the occasional vulnerability provoked , "awwwws" & long pauses with silly grins & two eager minds filled with "what ifs" counteracted by "no don't do its" . we both set our own limits , or at least we tried to , but somehow we went from wee hour rendezvous' to dinners , dark corner conversations , & pillow talk minus the "pillow talk" , if u will , without missing a beat .

despite the disapproval of friends we played the role & kept making plans . calling me during the day just because . . . every night some new "thing" for us to explore together . . . calling each other by our real names . . . no longer confined to late nights , but now daytime visits as well . . . 2-3 nights a week turned into every other night which turned into every night which progressed into "please stay cuz i can't sleep when ur not here tossing & turning every 5 seconds" . insult after insult after insult kissed & made better by 2 pairs of lips so soft it was impossible to keep em off of one another . public & private became one in the same . if the walls & front passenger seat of the car could only talk . . . the double entendres . . . the silent exchange of innocently naughty glances from across the table . . . the constant denial of all these things because this is not what we intended to happen , so why give in to what seems so natural to fall for something we know could eventually break one of our hearts ? we've both willingly shared secrets that send any normal lover running for the hills , but somehow , knowing the worst abt each other is as endearing as knowing the best .

"did u miss me ? " will never warrant a straight answer for fear of being stripped of one's "gangster" ,
when would we ever be able to succumb to our hearts
tell each other that we're in love ?

never . that's when .
because this is our way of enjoying a vivid recurring dream that we pretend not to have even tho it feels like the real thing . . . . . . . . .

now u know why i love to sleep so much . just in case u were wondering .


pls forgive me .

i have been absent for way too long .
baby oh baby do i have a lot to tell u
of course i will refrain because i am afraid of jinxing myself .
just know that i am somewhere hot & sunny surrounded by so much positive energy that it's actually forcing me to do some things i had been putting off . the universe is a tricky thing , man . thank god for that .
i'll fill in all the blanks when the time is right .


s x s w .

this time last monday my body was weary from the heat , the vodka , & massive amounts of walking in shoes that are made for lapdancing . it's a whole week later & i'm still recuperating . ouch . regardless , austin was lovely . we partied till sun up , caught some awesome shows , hung with amazing friends , fell in love with a waffle house , did lots of major press , got tons of free goodies , & played 2 very cool shows . i was sad to see it end ! here's an unsatisfying sneak peak courtesy of my dear nikki jean :

no . pharrell is not my boyfriend , but thanks for asking . . .

i think we won the "how many wristbands can u collect in a short time" game . . .

curly , moe , & larry . . .

his name is fat jew . . .

the effects of yelling , "more vodka !" . . .

we were truly on one the entire trip . . .

oh , & did u see us on vh1 ? . . .

i send my love to the noisettes (yes shingai , we're twins !) , saul williams , cx kidtronic , my hit&run homies , all of the lovely ppl at levi's (hey levi & cat) , junior from ray ban , carlos & all the rest of the puma crew , sparks & stella artois for sponsoring the open bar , chuck & (my hubby) mikey of cool kids , double o & nawledge of kidz in the hall , the n . e . r . d crew for laughs & frozen pizzas , nylon magazine & guess , keren p (even tho she gives bad directions) , yahzarah for the snazzy earrings (wearing em as i type !) & choklate , the girbaud folks , spin , myspace , airwalk , talib & corey for an amazing afterparty , doc , my darling thundercat , bradley , vizion (ur the best) , nouveau riche , my trouble twin nikki jean , my partner in crime d'leau , & of course crackhead tim & the entire waffle house staff . we will be back again . . .

more behind the scenes sxsw coming soon ! in the meantime , patiently await the arrival of The Mona Visa .


t h i c k .

still & timelapse photography by jeremy simms . thank god for J*DaVeYbabies .

sisqo , jazz , woody , & nokio .

wow .
just . wow .


can ur feelings be wrong ?
hypothetically speaking , when u break up with someone for ur own personal reasons (the "it's not u , it's me" thing without being so situation comedy abt it) & they tell u that "ur reasons are bullshit" , is that even possible ? how & where do u find the nerve to call someone else's personal emotional consciousness "bullshit" ? i guess when ur the one doing the breaking up ur automatically the bad guy . dragged thru the proverbial mud by the person who called ur honesty & ur feelings "bullshit" . just wondering , cuz maybe i missed something . i was told to never apologize for how i feel . but um , thank god this is only hypothetical , yeah ?
riiiiiiiight .
ok . back 2 work .

currently .

new celebrity crushes , rediscovering my bed , songs abt ur sexy , actually enjoying the valley , putting a 'g' on the end of my nouns & adjectives , downward dogging it , lo-fi , hi fash , my current haircut , olvera street , quiet time & short spurts of solitude , lopsided model bronco trucks , 103.1 , 8 dollar royal purple vintage pumps , givenchy's current collection , impromptu polaroid photoshoots , conversations abt "the double standard" , embracing my sporadic o c d , starring as a 1920s flapper in some provactive scene for the super 8 camera that is my brain , dreaming while i'm still awake , taking my time , getting enough rest , eating for free , being selfish for a change , effectively saying no , still mustering up the courage , old soul train videos in red contrast , great hosts , keeping vampire hours , allowing myself to be missed , "seven minutes in heaven" , ableton LIVE loops , "there's just no time to romance a new boy" , urban renewal & charlotte ronson pieces , charlotte ronson's brother , agyness deyn & chanel iman , currently enamored with venice , black pin-up girls , stella nico & jett pierre , jasi's peep toe valentino booties that she inherited from jenny lopez , "...currently in search of the perfectly scandalous love affair" , blue chihuahuas , tj's guacasalsa dip from trader jose's , hi-waist silk shorts , realizing that i inspire other girls , the shozu phone , not constantly feeling on edge , deep breathing , & sometimes ******* .


f y i . . .

ppl who say one thing
do the complete opposite
are cowards .
the willingness to reciprocate is what separates the adults from the children .
discipline is the new sexy .
when will u begin to show the world just how sexy u are ? . . .