o b s e s s i o n .

hedi, i adore u .

4-10 of 21 .

i got sick of myself .

i really & truly got sick of thinking & talking abt myself . all my hang-ups . issues . lack thereof .
i'm no longer going to apologize for who i am . either u can handle it or u can't . i trust in myself & the universe enough to leave questions unanswered . i've never wanted to be uptight abt things i couldn't explain . perhaps the best things in life are meant to be enjoyed rather than dissected . i'm not really sure of anything right now , but i'm wanting things that i never thought i'd consider . grown up things that perhaps i'm not really ready for , but when is anyone really ready for anything ? go with the flow , that's all i can do . & be happy in the process . & be honest & as good to ppl as i want them to be to me . yeah . i'm sticking to that .

i had a life changing experience in the wee hours of sunday morning that left me drained for the past few days . the alignment of energies can be a powerful thing . a heavy thing . something that perhaps i wasn't ready for . but the healer found me for a reason , so i can only be subject to the wisdom this experience will provide . i'm connecting with myself in an unexplainable way . starting to realize that these twenty one days may not mean a thing in the grand scheme of it all , but who am i to deny something new ?

as for this twenty one days , i'm kinda over it . i'm not sure why i'm doing it anymore . . . rather , not doing it .

stay tuned . . . it's abt to get interesting .


3 of 21 .

same as it ever was . . .

silent phone . vitamins , water , more vitamins , flush . the longest hot shower ever . french lessons while rearranging my space . clothes all over the place . what the fuck am i looking for & why can't i find it ? might as well make it . made . going without coming . check chasing , more space rearrangement . head chock full of ideas & yesterday's regrets . contemplating parties in other cities . not so silent phone . mohawk gone . replaying & reinventing 2001 . seventy-five degrees . thinking abt that night on top of the hill . moonroof vs sunroof ? i need my own personal photographer . muse worthy lips . an all too familiar smell . senses heightened . the perfect fitting pair of dark denim . paying the highest compliment & being able to receive the flattering reply . a million & one witty verses with no accompanying music . studio session in thirty minutes . the perfect short film idea . my genius is staring at me from across the room wondering when i'll start responding with action . all in due time .

today was grand without u .

l o v e .

erin wasson x rcva


jt does the march issue of GQ .

2 of 21 .

just because u say ur done with something doesn't mean that it's done with u .

i woke up today from another confusing dream ready to conquer the world with a new set of eyes , but the moment i traveled east of my house the um , vice came running to me like i owed it something . the true test of discipline is saying no to the vice when it's staring u smack dab in the face . for abt an hour i ran from it . the call was loud & clear . . . it wanted me . it called my name multiple times . attempted to wrap itself around me , but i put up a good fight . i had things to do , errands to run , ppl to see & i had no time to indulge . then came the downtime . the errands were done . the ppl were seen . things were did . all that was left was the lingering spirit of that urge that was so easy to fight when i had an agenda . is it too soon to test my will power ? i wondered . two measly days . am i even strong enough or will i buckle under the pressure ?

the realization of my strength was empowering . the weakness tried to creep up on me , but i met it head on with a perseverance so strong that i finally convinced myself . yes , i'm attempting to do the right thing . challenging myself to become a clear minded person . the temptation created a tension so thick that i was able to cut a piece of it & taste it . the bittersweetness of it all made me question myself yet again . it's not too late to turn back & forget this whole thing , but where would that get me ? back in the same downward spiral perhaps ? if that's even what i should call it . hmm . this is starting to really confuse the shit out of me . i guess this must be part of the process . where's my padded cell when i need it ?

i learned a lot abt ppl today . oftentimes we are content with being disconnected from the universe . we purposely deny good energy because we're too selfish & egotistical to admit how much we need other ppl . we're so afraid of our vulnerability that we're willing to degrade those closest to us . to some , blood is no thicker than water . sometimes it is easier to be dishonorable , & no matter what binds us , be it blood or friendship , we will choose what's comforting to our own petty impulses rather than what's right in accordance with universal law . the power of free will can be a dangerous thing if u don't know how to use that power .

i feel like i'm talking in incomplete (& indecipherable) circles .

i didn't have to run from my vice today . i simply needed to connect with an equally strong & vulnerable energy to understand the necessity of this journey . that's a good thing .

in the past two days two kindred spirits have said three words to me that have meant more to me than the other more obvious three : i get u .

that's almost as good as getting myself . . .


l o v e : the fashion week edition .

corpus :

alexander wang :

threeasfour :

ilaria urbinati :

marc jacobs :

erin fetherston :