20061225

happy fuckin xmas.


we drank like it was friggin new years eve.
i needed to let loose.
so..

we took 1 shot..
and as if that wasn't enough, we took another...
then we stopped to make some gangsta ass faces...
then we chased our shots with beers & crammed ourselves into the b&w photo booth...
then the liquor really started kick in...
so like true drunkies we struck a pose, met a random white boy, hung loose at the ms. pacman table, and just when we thought we were done our random white boy brought another random white boy for us to pose with...
then
everything got blurry & when i woke up it was xmas!

swear i won't drink for the rest of the year. ugh.
special seasons greetings go out to the short stop for making our first annual bah humbug party a complete success! oh, & a special shout to that pimp in the zebra print coat who ended up laid out in the middle of the street after the jam. just wouldn't be xmas without him.

20061223

four friday's faves...


a day late, but still great.

**juan.....silence. cuz i never knew the most beautiful words lie in the spaces between the spoken ones.

**to........my bed. cuz it's the softest, most beautiful place to share such unspoken words.

**free.....youtube. cuz of the over abundance of old music vids & live show clips. not to mention all the old school sitcom clips.

**phor....this guy. cuz he doesn't flop my show & he knows what time it is.

shhhhhhhhh...silent.

20061218

he said.


when we got in the car we get out of hand...

"She invited me places i came to fast, & now i'm calling her all the time, but she won't make no plans..."

all i wanted to do was get up in it with you.

okay. here we gooooo....

"all i really know is she's gangsta. man go out and vote she's gangsta. I don't want to leave yet, who knows what she'll think of next!"

yeah. our weekend was lovely.

20061215

"that's not music..."



"...it's masturbation."

faaaaaaaame. what u get is no tomorrow.
what u need is yours to borrow.
oops
i mean
i'm gonna live forever?

whatevs. dig the quote.

1nce again the nola darlin theory is controllin my airwaves. "venus to mars".
now i'm ready to fall in love.
thanks for nothin.

20061214

girl's first crush.



denise huxtable. i'm sorry, i mean lisa bonet. oops! excuse me miss lilakoi moon.
once again, i heart tbs.
cosby show. beloved episode where they perform "nite & day".
moon's outfit was straight monkey food*. black blouse w/ a scoop back that was connected with gold chains (& not to mention 80's shoulder pads) & crazy color print genie (or hammer) pants &&&&&& white leather gloves. and that fly lil hi-top fade cut.

*swoon*

and she's stillllllll bad.

damn, i gotta stop watchin the box.

*"monkey food" (c) my friend pen (hey, leroy jenkins).

20061213

damn that impulse.



okay, so i always do that. some random proclamation will pop into my head & i'll instantly start rantin & ravin about it, only to read it the next day & realize that
i still feel the same
but
i said it all wrong.

my mom told me once that all good things don't come wrapped inna pretty package.
today the random essence horoscope tells me that the image of what i want can be overshadowed by the reality of your potential love.
i've said it before.
right now i'm tryin to be honest with myself. i'm realizin what it is that i want & what i'm not willin to compromise myself & my time for. i'm onto a brannew phase in my life & i don't know who's forreal or who's fulla shit...even the people who i know are forreal in my life want a lot from me that i don't always wanna give. i'm finally learnin how to say no. i'm learnin how to relax. i'm learnin how to manage my money. i'm learnin how to enjoy my solitude. my own bed. i'm learnin the importance of real estate. self-esteem. forthrightness. forgiveness.
i'm growin up.
i've been in some serious relationships, back to back love affairs, "warm blanket" situations, empty friendships, etc & i'm finally ready to be inna one on one with myself.
when things are right in ur life the right person comes along to share in that righteousness.
so
ima get some shit of my own & wait for the "perfect" situation to come
cuz
it always does.

that may hurt ur feelings, but u deserve the truth. mick said it best.

so that's all i wanna say about that.

i do, however, always have music. i'm completely consumed by it. my entire focus is on this process & i don't expect anyone else to understand.
quite the little introvert
but
a happy one. so it's all money honey.

sigh...
and there u are again, dreamboy. flashin on the screen.
you've got a t.v. eye on me.
i swear i just said that i didn't wanna...nevermind.

20061212

dream, girl...


my daily tarot consistently tells me that i have my head in the clouds, & it's time i plant these feet on terra firma.
i say
fuck
my
daily
tarot.

the stars are aligned in somebody else's favor these days.
this game's not made for winning
yet
i'm willing to play it.

okay, enough cryptic shit.

today
i learned that i'm no good with love.
i don't know how to & frankly i don't wanna.
i'll use time as my "excuse".
what i said in my last blog is true: i'm learning to mix selectivity with my whimsy.
i ain't got time to be gabbin on the phone.
i ain't got time to "waste" out in the streets.
i don't have time to sell dreams, cuz i'm chasin my own.
i'm no good with love cuz love is no good with me.
it doesn't call when it says it will.
it doesn't fuck me long & hard enough.
it doesn't make me wanna be a better person.

music does.
so
to me
music is love.
so
lemme love my music first
and
i promise it'll teach me how to love u.

i'm a dream girl.
saw the movie & it was...good. my mind wasn't blown, but i was entertained.
made me realize that i need to ground myself in my art first & let the rest of this shit figure itself out.

whoever said women are dramatic must have never dated a man.

damn.
i thought i was done countin ur freckles.
i thought u were done recurrin.
waitin for u? never.
willin to share u? *same as above*
so, now what?

like i said
i'm a dream girl.
when will dream boy let me go?

honestly, it's not even about that.
i'm just so excited about my life these days that i can't speak/think clearly.
on the flipside
i'm surrounded by some dominant male energy & it's twistin me sideways.

i'll just take matty's advice & write a million songs about it.

in the meantime
i
dream dream like the song says.

20061208

tres friday's faves...


**one (for the money): garageband. even u can be a producer.
**too (many, too lil time!): medical marijuana.
**three (times a lady): adrian martinez. he keeps me laughin, drunk, & fashionable. watch out for us next year...we're comin with a few uppercuts.
**for (the ho in u): tall, lanky emcee boys with cool sneakers & cute smiles. i mean, all that AND they always know where the weed is at.
**five (golden riiiiiings): prince vs mike jac parties. i danced till i sweat out my fresh press. so old school.
**six (million ways 2 die): short boys with ill swaggers & fresh styles. they light my fire...i always want em to climb my legs.
**l8r (sk8r): happy hours at cha cha cha with my girls from hi school. them bitches should take their comedy show on the road.
**niiiiine ("& that's the magic numbaaaa"): tbs. they always air the cheesy/"guilty pleasure" flicks AAAAAND "saved by the bell" 4 times in the mornin. suhweetuh.
**ten (years gone): my lil bro miles cuz he kills it on the bball court. go cubs! parker, ur next baby...

i'm so sleepy i'm delirious.
it's all worth it cuz i'm workin. i'm not just hangin out in the streets like a hobo. goin out is like a treat to myself these days cuz i'm always wrapped up in my music. not complainin. simply sharin.
on the flipside
i'm also becomin an introvert. i only want to be around certain people, & i can count those folks on 1 hand. i don't really know what that's about, but i'm lovin myself rite now & i don't just wanna surround myself with any/everybody. i guess for 1nce in my life i'm learnin how to mix selectivity with my whimsy.
see...
delirium.

song of the day is by the nola darlin theory. "genuine". the ultimate breakup song. and "1970" by the stooges. the perfect "i'm on my way to a fun party" song.

oh yeah, go see "the fountain" w/ rachel weisz & wolverine. heavy. beautifully amazing visuals.

okay. time to ease the cabin fever.

20061202

i must be dreamin.


lyin here with u.
faces barely visible by candlelight
but
i can still see the contours of ur face.
a million freckles.
perfect teeth.
long legs entertwined with mine.
soft hands on the small of my back.
full lips pressed close to my forehead...my nose...bitin my chin...
faces barely visible
but
i can still see the color of ur eyes.

i guess i know u well.
how?
i'm not sure
but
everyone knows u.
everywhere i go
i see u.
just can't escape u.

when will u stop recurring?

i coulda sworn u were leavin.
even tho u won't really be gone
cuz
everywhere i go
i see u.

silence between us.

music on the surround sound
but
i don't care to listen.
countin ur breaths.
waitin for u to say it
but
u keep me wonderin.
i almost got it out of u that one time.
almost heard u makin it real
but
too many people know u.
too many people love u.
why me when u could have all the others?

i'm so weird & opposite.
i'm not voluptuous.
i'm not sweatin u
like
all the other girls seem to do.

u still
tell me secrets
and
ask me questions
and
let me teach u
and
share ur home
and
show me ur insides...
amongst other things.

it ain't sexual, eh?
we seem to connect in this metaphysical way.
even tho
i said i wasn't tryin to with u.

now i know i must be dreamin
cuz
u broke the silence.
finally said it.
finally did it.
finally...
i wake up.

sigh..........................................

thanks for bein my friday's fave.
hopefully
i'll see u 2nite.

20061125

(the day after) friday's faves two.


so, since yesterday was a bit overwhelmin (complete with hyperventilation & a slight panic attack), i'm dishin my faves now. this is the special "vegas/3121" edition:

**first: meatwad's voice on "aqua teen hunger force".
**twice: brook's perfect imitation of meatwad's voice.
**thrice: dj rashida cuz she's talented, oh so pretty, & beyond supportive.
**fore(skin): larry graham & his amazing wife, tina, for anecdotes of true love & faith.
**fifth (of hennessy): being invited for a special gathering at mr. nelson's place & having him offer me anything i wanted to eat & drink...just the words, "anything u want" from that man were enough to send the shivers up & down my...okay...enuff of that...
**sixth (sense): the most precious industry advice from the man who offered me anything i wanted.
**seventh (wonder of the world): the most perfect soundcheck with mr. man dancing along.
**eighth (of maui wowee): "give it up for my opening act J*DaVeY, future headliners!..."
**ninth: witnessing almost 3 hours of non-stop musical genius from the best seat in the entire house (highlight: "joy in repetition" live...good lawd...).
**tenth: adrian martinez, griffin, & christian for being so fuckin silly!..."damn, brook's pickle is warm..."..."it's a whole tea!"...endless hashbrown jokes...perfect joints...good times :)
**eleventh: hanging out with my hero on thanksgiving night & having him tell me that he was trying to rock his hair like mine.
**twelfth (day of xmas): our families' reactions when mr. nelson walked into our dressing room to comment on our show. notably, my 11 year old brother barely wanting to shake the man's hand cuz he was too busy with his video game. youngsters...
**3teen: matty's family for loving & feeding us on thanksgiving, & for lettin us take the post-turkey/niggeritis nap in their easy chairs.
**4teen: "shuv'liiiin!!!!" (sung to the tune of that jim jones' "ballin" song while stuffin delicious thanksgivin dinner down ur throat).
**5teen: watching my parents freak each other on the 3121 dancefloor after our wednesday nite show.
**6teen: watching my parents rock out till 3am at the friday nite show.
**7teen: witnessing maceo parker's warm-up in the dressing room.
**8teen: p's reaction to our set on friday nite..."(giggles) interesting. absolutely inna good way. i can see the future..."
**9teen: "i listened to the music cuz i heard i'm ur influence. makes sense why i like it so much..."
**dub sack: vegas! for obvious reasons of course...

i'm stuck in this weird dream-like state. naturally. this entire experience has been so surreal & people keep askin me to describe it & i can't. the only thing i can say is that the only other experience that would be comparable would prolly be givin birth to my first born.

so now...
wishin i was still in vegas, but happy to be lyin in my own bed...
wishin we could kiss. happy about the sprinkles cupcake u have for me.
excited to see what happens next.
sigh.

20061123

the purple bandit.






the show was powerful.
not so packed. definitely not packed fulla J*DaVeY fans, but amazin nonetheless.
he looooooved it.
so much so that he asked us to stay & open for him 2morrow nite.
crazy.
thanksgivin is my most fave holiday, but instead of spendin it at home with my fam i'm in the rio hotel contemplatin the future of my recordin career.
he shared his gospel accordin to music with us over omelettes, hash browns, & red wine till 445 this mornin.
i love my life.

20061122

say em.



a million thoughts cross my mind now
and
there's so much i wanna say to you
but
there aren't enough words.

today found me surrounded by amazing leo energies, & tonight is like christmas eve. i'm tryin to sleep, but the excitement is too overbearin. i'm not even sweatin the 530am pickup or the 7-hour car ride. my mind is racin a million thoughts now, but i'm afraid to say em out loud.

marcia said somethin to me 2day that keeps ringin in my head & confusin the shit outta my heart. i guess the reality of it all is that she's right, & one day (hopefully not so soon) it's all gonna come to a boilin point...and the pot is gonna overflow...and that may just be the best thing ever.

in the meantime, i'm gonna act like she doesn't know what she's talkin about.

"10 years gone" says it all for me. beyond the lyrics, the chord changes make me wet in my pants but..that's a whole other short story entitled, "...like a fourteen year old boy".

most immediate random thought: i heart cosmopolitan magazine. no, it's not my fave piece of glossy literature and no, i don't spend my dollars on it. i just flip thru when i'm gettin coiffed, & i just can't get enough of it. useless yet entertainin fluff meant to recharge one's self-esteem although it comes across as simple bullshit entertainment. funny anecdotes. sex quizzes. dinner party ideas. celeb polls. blah blah blah. i love it almost as much as i love us weekly. note i said "almost".

you'll be happy to know
that
this mornin's pyschological distress has since calmed.
thank god.

it may also delight you to know
that
i came up with a design for my next tattoo.
it'll for sure be a doozy. i can't believe i'm gonna endure such detail on such a tender part of my body.
halfway thru i'll realize that maybe i made a mistake.

u know that lil internal rage-o-meter that's sposed to warn u when you're about to go into overdrive?...yeah, well...mine is broke.

dammit man, thank god for sa-ra creative partners.

J'ai frappe un point d'aucun retour. le delire pur.

please hammer don't hurt em.

20061120

happy sunday.


it was blazin hot 2day.
had an interestingly random saturday nite. a lil too much red wine. a great ruffle blouse which provoked way too many dave chappelle's prince skit comments. the perfect dance partner. bossa nova waffles with ice cream & strawberries. shootin stars at 4am. blah blah blah, the rest is an exhausted blur.
my hot & happy sunday started with a lovely shoppin date with a wise & beautiful mama, morphed into an hour-long marijuana induced daze at ameoba, & ended with an explosive rehearsal.
thank god i hipped myself to bowie's "man who sold the world". just the sound i've been lookin for lately.

hi-light of this happy sunday: findin like 12 old prince 45's in my garage. maaaaaaan...how excited am i?


very.

(and no..cory & i are not kissin in this photo. ur eyes are playin tricks on u. just say no. photo courtesy of mark the cobrasnake)

20061117

friday's faves.


*won: the radio nova podcast. random music & people speaking french. nothin beats that.
*too: all-white leather hi-top chucks. for obvious reasons.
*free: gold heart-shaped lockets. for nostalgia's sake.
*live: wamu. period.
*sex: lite grey bdg skinny jeans from urban outfitters. say what u want, but aint nothin beatin $49 skinnies.
*slevin: the wax poetics parliament funkadelic issue. need i explain why?
*hate: *u*...even tho *u* don't like to hold my hand...
*nign: ikea while under the influence of. it's a funny experience, please believe me.
*tinman: vintage boots. moreso, vintage boot shoppin in loisaida.
*bonus: my friends. they really go for it.
*double bonus: hotboxin with my friends. they REALLY go for it after that.

i'm on to the next phase of my creativity. i've been expandin my pallette lately, & i've been unafraid to try new things. i'm actually kinda confident with my guitar now (thanks to a great teacher), & the new sound i've been searchin for is manifestin itself, so i'm happy about that. it's the middle of november & it's 80 degrees outside. the sun is shinin. i don't know whether to lament over global warmin or embrace it.

next week's edition will most likely be all about his royal purpleness...sigh.

the weekend should be wonderful.
happy friday.

20061106

lethargic me.


lemme start in rewind & keep it short but sweet: my last blog found me inna crazy headspace over my best (yet recently estranged) friend & the part that got me down the most was that my friend failed to recognize all of the positive personal work i've done lately...sounds really "therapy session" of me, but so be it...after a week or so of nonconverging schedules & short (not to mention dry) conversations my friend & i finally decided to spend some much needed catch-up time...we're in the car listenin to miles davis, gettin stoned, then all of a sudden...

friend: "so, what's up? how are you?"

me: "i'm great."

friend: "really?"

me: "why? do i seem weird?"

friend: "i mean, not weird...just pretty...lethargic..."

*pause*

okay. maybe i'm trippin, but does the word lethargic not mean unresponsive? unalert? out of it? i'm thinkin, damn maybe it's cuz i'm stoned so ima lil slow right now...

me: "what do you mean by that?"

friend: "i don't know. you just don't seem to care about anything, you're just like whatever to everything."

*pause*

okay. now maybe i'm really trippin cuz i don't see how me not being over the top about one thing as opposed to the other is me being unalert & unresponsive. my quest to get a clear explanation as to why my friend feels this way failed. i kept asking if there was somethin i did...one example as to how i'm seemingly lethargic simply because i'm more relaxed & carefree lately, and of course, there were no examples....

lemme continue to rewind: if there's one thing my friend can say about me it's that i'm pretty hi strung (or at least i used to be). the smallest thing would go wrong & i would freak out...instead of passin it off with a "well, shit happens. donc il va..." attitude i would let it consume me & ruin my entire day. i wasted a lot of energy with that mind state. i let petty situations stress me out when all i really had to do was take a deep breath & let it go...i lost my voice cussin & split my head bein mad & weighted my own shoulders with insecure thoughts when all i had to do was shut up & think positively.

the mind is one powerful bitch, man.

with all these beautiful things happenin in my life now i knew that i wanted to be able to enjoy them instead of lettin pessimism & stress overcome my blessings. i guess i kinda switched overnight...not to prove a point to anyone, not to create a facade...simply cuz it was time for this lil girl to grow up.

so, lethargic my friend, i am not. when u find the right word, however, lemme know.

coincidentally, another close friend of mine hit me up to tell me that i have a very unique way with "coping"...not sure if my friend means that inna good or bad way, but i'm assumin that my friend feels that it's not so good (in relation to how he copes) so i guess the bottom line today is that i'm pretty screwed up.

good for me. at least i can admit it.

honestly, i guess i'm just takin the "office space" approach to life. i remember when i worked a 9-9 & i would be a complete zombie at work, prayin for the day when i could do things my way & be free from the routine. now that day is finally here, so i may as well enjoy it cuz soon i'll have lil human beings to be responsible for (not anytime soon, but the day is comin). the phrase "live & let die" has been ringin in my head all day. good motto, ain't it?

beyond all that shit
i wanna say somethin about my weekend
but i won't
cuz it's too intense
&
i can't really find the words to describe it right now
cuz i'm sure
it'll only get better. i put "it" out into the atmosphere & "it" finally came to me. gotta love how the universe works.

okay.
no more blogs about my "personal journey".
swear.

(fingers/toes/eyes/lines crossed. suckers.)

20061031

since the last time we spoke....



....i've (somewhat) lost a good friend, had a psychadelic trip at the happiest place on earth (with beautiful company), & broken someone's heart (not on purpose, but still)...

it's been an interesting week.

today is halloween, & i'm reneggin on my plans. i was sposed to hit my labelmates' (my chemical romance) show at hob's on sunset, but they've got every young punk in town crowdin the list, so i'm not gonna lose myself in that mess. my other option (the roots @ the avalon) is lookin bleek considerin how nobody has hit me with details. my last option (some random party @ some random club) will possibly be eh. i had a costume all put together & everything, & by costume i mean that expensive ass headdress i rocked at the radio city show back in may...i was gonna go as the psychadelic indian that u see when you're trippin on acid (or peyote or lsd or dmt or whatever else)...notice i'm all about psychadelic shit these days & there's a perfectly good reason for that...

i won't talk too much about it just yet...
gimme another week or so.

speakin of psychadelic shit, i highly recommend eatin magic mushrooms & roamin around disneyland. no explanation is needed...let ur imagination do the talkin. everyday i feel my inner-hippie slowly creep to the surface. i'm also in full transition these days tryin to turn over a new leaf & start this new phase of my life with a clean slate. this past year has been full of discovery thru heartache, new love, estranged friendships, & music. i had to start lookin inside & fixin myself instead of blamin other people for my issues. i realized that i had to stop being controlled by my emotions...i had to learn patience & serenity. i was always so worked up when things went wrong that i would put a damper on all of the things that were goin right. time alone has been good for me lately. i've stopped talkin & have learned to listen. i've stopped being afraid of hurtin other people's feelings at the expense of my own. i've become more honest about certain situations. i've started to cut a lot of idle friends out of my life. at the same time...

i feel like i've lost the one friend i've always relied on most.

when i say "relied on" i don't mean it in the "lemme borrow some money/do this & that for me/gimme gimme" sense. i mean it in that support & comfort type of way. the one friend who could make all things okay for me on a shitty day, the one friend who was able to truly understand my anxiety & anguish, the one person who i could sit on the couch with in front of the tv all day doin nothin but bein silly with is suddenly...

gone.

sometimes people grow a part. sometimes long extended periods of time away from one another is good for a healthy friendship. maybe...i guess. it's just a pretty lonely feeling...one day that person loves you & needs you & wants you around & then the next day that same person could care less. it's been a super difficult time for me these past couple weeks, and all i wanted to do was bury my face in my friend's lap & cry/express/lament...i wanted to sit in our fave church parkin lot & smoke pot (blasphemous, i know) & zone out to music...i wanted my friend to be around & share & open up, but instead my friend (like usual) acted as if space was the place...so, i gave my friend space & disappeared in efforts to find my own voice & clarity...

and i've found it. the change is obvious to many. my friend chooses not to notice or care that i've bettered myself, which is kind of a drag, but donc il va. not like i'm lookin for recognition...i just want my friend to care. but in the words of a true separatist...

who gives a shit? it's beyond me. i'm sure it'll work itself out. that's my newly found optimism talkin.
plus
i've been surrouded by great new leo energy.
more on that another day...

in my quest to fix myself i've also managed to hurt someone who truly love(d)s me. timing is a bitch sometimes, but there's no denyin its importance. i had to be realistic with myself & my heart & make a choice that ultimately broke someone else's. i've had my heart broken a million times (or so it seems) & i never wanted to put another person thru it, but 1nce again...donc il va...c'est la vie...so forth & so on...expect a sad ramble on this in the days to come.

beyond all that, my spirit has taken flight to some other place. i love flossangeles truly, but i have become bored with the "scenes" & social climbers. thus, i've made it a point to step outside of the same ol same shit & rediscover the true gems of this city. i'm findin beauty in the sudden reappearance...just when people begin to wonder/miss/question u there u are...for a limited time of course...then u vanish again.

so, here's to all who thought they knew me well...
when u see me next you may recognize me, but u won't really know me. there's power in mystery, so i've heard.
we'll see how true that is.

in closin, my new leo friend has hipped me to an angel named pheobe snow. i'm stuck on "poetry man" at the moment...dig it if u haven't already done so.

till next time, wonder me.

*photos courtesy of the cobrasnake*

20061022

the mornin after.


first of all, cell phones can be so unreliable sometimes.

second, i'm glad i "stopped" drinkin recently. "stopped" cuz i still drink wine, but the days of completely ragin at parties is done for me. i realize now that it's way more fun to be sober at parties cuz the drunkards are hilarious to watch. between the fallin down steps & broken slurry sentences, wobbly walks down sunset, & bitin boys on the roof i have pains behind my ears from laughin so hard. thank god for my friends & vodka, tequila, wine, & every thing else they had for free behind the bar.

today is rather silent, as it should be. while i long to be loungin at hotel steuben my teleportation device is still only in theory, so i'll lounge on the couch for a spell & contemplate a million beautiful thoughts.

it's been a very interestin week: record deals, blowouts, orange "welcome home" balloons, super-sized fortune cookies, mid-day cocktails with pookie & matty j (the best partner ever), parties on the roof, eatin candy off the ground, spongebob's head, spills, & 4am nightcaps at fred's...

"we're so l.a...."

yeah, maybe you're right.

and 2day's soundtrack is idle noise on the tube.

20061020

a bittersweet yesterday.


so the short & sweet of yesterday

my parents got down on me super tough & it really had me inna weird space. it happens from time to time. whoever said growin up is hard to do was completely right. everyday is this crazy rollercoaster ride, sometimes i feel like i don't know whether i'm comin or goin. all i do is trust that my life will turn out the way i see it in my dreams. Peut-etre je suis simplement reveur comme john lennon a dit. at any rate, my folks were gettin down on me pretty bad, & while i was depressed about it i did my best to be happy, because

in the midst of all the drama at home

i (finally) became a piece of merchandise. (finally) because it's been a nervous 3-week long negotiation process with legal folks, not to mention a 7-year long artistic aspiration...it's crazy, when i first met brook at prom i never would have imagined this. life is funny like that. i'm a mixture of different emotions now: excited, nervous, anxious, hopeful, etc. i trust that everything is gonna work out well. no room for pessimism. the rock division at warner bros records better be ready for us.

yeah...bad days do progressively get better.

today has been somewhat of a repeat. sad-sacky morning, but then i realized something very important: i have great friends. yesterday when i needed to escape, my girl since 7th grade showed up with the vehicle. when i wanted to never come back, my better half shared his wisom. when i only wanted to bury my face in the pillow & cry all day, my partner in cr(hyme)ime packed the bowl. earlier today when i was standin in my own way (no rhyme intended) my major rager sent me the best leo horoscope: "maybe sometimes god has bigger plans for you than you have for yourself".

so, i need to get a grip right?

...right. and if what i said 7 lines up is true, then bring on the night!

again, no rhyme intended.

and 2day's top pick is "when the world is runnin down you make the best of what's still around" by the police.

20061018

me permettre de commencer....


today has been a whirlwind of different emotions...

mostly sad ones that aren't warranted by any occurrence, so i choose not to discuss them openly. u know how sometimes your mind focuses more on the past or the future instead of the present? why is it so hard to live in the moment & take each day for what it is?

who knows.
who cares.
i choose not to dwell on that anymore, for this is a new beginnin of sorts...or a new end. we shall see which one as time progresses.

*edit* before we get started, allow me to tell u somethin quite important: i have super powers. well, 1 anyway, and that is the ability to change form. i'm a leo, therefore i'm rather impulsive & i get bored easily, so i may have a tendency to reinvent myself from time to time. call it a defense mechanism if u like.

my life is takin a very strange, but amazin turn these days. i'm on the verge of livin my wildest dreams, while still tryin to recognize my saints & make sense of this crazy thing called existence. my days are the perfect blend of reality & fantasy, and while that sounds like some weird dichotomy, i must say it's a theme for me. duality. briana cartwright versus jack davey. good girl versus bad seed. no, i'm not a deviant...i just love to partake in deviant behavior. who doesn't?

is this not the strangest ramble of all time?
no worries. i get worse.

like i said already, today has been a whirlwind of different emotions. thus, i start this blogspot to maintain some sanity in the midst of all this mayhem...not to mention i can be rather narcissistic, so to be able to talk openly about myself while random strangers read on strokes my voyeur nerve & turns me on. speaking of which, i must watch project runway, as tonight is the finale & i'm anxious to see how it all pans out. and while i'm on the subject of television, allow me to say that i am not one of the hippie's who wishes death upon the idiot box. television is sheer entertainment...point blank. if it is knowledge & fulfillment that you seek, read a fuckin book. when you need idle noise & senseless images simply to fill some silly void feel free to turn on the t.v. & zone out. my fave pastime is to watch it on mute. try it sometimes. or don't. who gives a shit?

more on that later.

i will be postin daily simply to purge myself of the day's joys & ills so i can start the next day with a clean slate. if you're lookin for clarity then please feel free to look elsewhere. this is simply my open forum to say & feel wh(ow)atever i wanna. so, to end the start of this lovely time, let me say thanks in advance for puttin up with me. i trust our relationship will be, um, interesser, drole, et dysfonctionnel pour dire le moindre (*edit* pardon my horrible frances por favor).

till tomorrow baby. thanks for playin.

***************************************

from the desk of m. jack davey
<<*2day's top pick: Miles Davis/Shh!...Silent (In A Silent Way)*>>