(the day after) friday's faves two.

so, since yesterday was a bit overwhelmin (complete with hyperventilation & a slight panic attack), i'm dishin my faves now. this is the special "vegas/3121" edition:

**first: meatwad's voice on "aqua teen hunger force".
**twice: brook's perfect imitation of meatwad's voice.
**thrice: dj rashida cuz she's talented, oh so pretty, & beyond supportive.
**fore(skin): larry graham & his amazing wife, tina, for anecdotes of true love & faith.
**fifth (of hennessy): being invited for a special gathering at mr. nelson's place & having him offer me anything i wanted to eat & drink...just the words, "anything u want" from that man were enough to send the shivers up & down my...okay...enuff of that...
**sixth (sense): the most precious industry advice from the man who offered me anything i wanted.
**seventh (wonder of the world): the most perfect soundcheck with mr. man dancing along.
**eighth (of maui wowee): "give it up for my opening act J*DaVeY, future headliners!..."
**ninth: witnessing almost 3 hours of non-stop musical genius from the best seat in the entire house (highlight: "joy in repetition" live...good lawd...).
**tenth: adrian martinez, griffin, & christian for being so fuckin silly!..."damn, brook's pickle is warm..."..."it's a whole tea!"...endless hashbrown jokes...perfect joints...good times :)
**eleventh: hanging out with my hero on thanksgiving night & having him tell me that he was trying to rock his hair like mine.
**twelfth (day of xmas): our families' reactions when mr. nelson walked into our dressing room to comment on our show. notably, my 11 year old brother barely wanting to shake the man's hand cuz he was too busy with his video game. youngsters...
**3teen: matty's family for loving & feeding us on thanksgiving, & for lettin us take the post-turkey/niggeritis nap in their easy chairs.
**4teen: "shuv'liiiin!!!!" (sung to the tune of that jim jones' "ballin" song while stuffin delicious thanksgivin dinner down ur throat).
**5teen: watching my parents freak each other on the 3121 dancefloor after our wednesday nite show.
**6teen: watching my parents rock out till 3am at the friday nite show.
**7teen: witnessing maceo parker's warm-up in the dressing room.
**8teen: p's reaction to our set on friday nite..."(giggles) interesting. absolutely inna good way. i can see the future..."
**9teen: "i listened to the music cuz i heard i'm ur influence. makes sense why i like it so much..."
**dub sack: vegas! for obvious reasons of course...

i'm stuck in this weird dream-like state. naturally. this entire experience has been so surreal & people keep askin me to describe it & i can't. the only thing i can say is that the only other experience that would be comparable would prolly be givin birth to my first born.

so now...
wishin i was still in vegas, but happy to be lyin in my own bed...
wishin we could kiss. happy about the sprinkles cupcake u have for me.
excited to see what happens next.


the purple bandit.

the show was powerful.
not so packed. definitely not packed fulla J*DaVeY fans, but amazin nonetheless.
he looooooved it.
so much so that he asked us to stay & open for him 2morrow nite.
thanksgivin is my most fave holiday, but instead of spendin it at home with my fam i'm in the rio hotel contemplatin the future of my recordin career.
he shared his gospel accordin to music with us over omelettes, hash browns, & red wine till 445 this mornin.
i love my life.


say em.

a million thoughts cross my mind now
there's so much i wanna say to you
there aren't enough words.

today found me surrounded by amazing leo energies, & tonight is like christmas eve. i'm tryin to sleep, but the excitement is too overbearin. i'm not even sweatin the 530am pickup or the 7-hour car ride. my mind is racin a million thoughts now, but i'm afraid to say em out loud.

marcia said somethin to me 2day that keeps ringin in my head & confusin the shit outta my heart. i guess the reality of it all is that she's right, & one day (hopefully not so soon) it's all gonna come to a boilin point...and the pot is gonna overflow...and that may just be the best thing ever.

in the meantime, i'm gonna act like she doesn't know what she's talkin about.

"10 years gone" says it all for me. beyond the lyrics, the chord changes make me wet in my pants but..that's a whole other short story entitled, "...like a fourteen year old boy".

most immediate random thought: i heart cosmopolitan magazine. no, it's not my fave piece of glossy literature and no, i don't spend my dollars on it. i just flip thru when i'm gettin coiffed, & i just can't get enough of it. useless yet entertainin fluff meant to recharge one's self-esteem although it comes across as simple bullshit entertainment. funny anecdotes. sex quizzes. dinner party ideas. celeb polls. blah blah blah. i love it almost as much as i love us weekly. note i said "almost".

you'll be happy to know
this mornin's pyschological distress has since calmed.
thank god.

it may also delight you to know
i came up with a design for my next tattoo.
it'll for sure be a doozy. i can't believe i'm gonna endure such detail on such a tender part of my body.
halfway thru i'll realize that maybe i made a mistake.

u know that lil internal rage-o-meter that's sposed to warn u when you're about to go into overdrive?...yeah, well...mine is broke.

dammit man, thank god for sa-ra creative partners.

J'ai frappe un point d'aucun retour. le delire pur.

please hammer don't hurt em.


happy sunday.

it was blazin hot 2day.
had an interestingly random saturday nite. a lil too much red wine. a great ruffle blouse which provoked way too many dave chappelle's prince skit comments. the perfect dance partner. bossa nova waffles with ice cream & strawberries. shootin stars at 4am. blah blah blah, the rest is an exhausted blur.
my hot & happy sunday started with a lovely shoppin date with a wise & beautiful mama, morphed into an hour-long marijuana induced daze at ameoba, & ended with an explosive rehearsal.
thank god i hipped myself to bowie's "man who sold the world". just the sound i've been lookin for lately.

hi-light of this happy sunday: findin like 12 old prince 45's in my garage. maaaaaaan...how excited am i?


(and no..cory & i are not kissin in this photo. ur eyes are playin tricks on u. just say no. photo courtesy of mark the cobrasnake)


friday's faves.

*won: the radio nova podcast. random music & people speaking french. nothin beats that.
*too: all-white leather hi-top chucks. for obvious reasons.
*free: gold heart-shaped lockets. for nostalgia's sake.
*live: wamu. period.
*sex: lite grey bdg skinny jeans from urban outfitters. say what u want, but aint nothin beatin $49 skinnies.
*slevin: the wax poetics parliament funkadelic issue. need i explain why?
*hate: *u*...even tho *u* don't like to hold my hand...
*nign: ikea while under the influence of. it's a funny experience, please believe me.
*tinman: vintage boots. moreso, vintage boot shoppin in loisaida.
*bonus: my friends. they really go for it.
*double bonus: hotboxin with my friends. they REALLY go for it after that.

i'm on to the next phase of my creativity. i've been expandin my pallette lately, & i've been unafraid to try new things. i'm actually kinda confident with my guitar now (thanks to a great teacher), & the new sound i've been searchin for is manifestin itself, so i'm happy about that. it's the middle of november & it's 80 degrees outside. the sun is shinin. i don't know whether to lament over global warmin or embrace it.

next week's edition will most likely be all about his royal purpleness...sigh.

the weekend should be wonderful.
happy friday.


lethargic me.

lemme start in rewind & keep it short but sweet: my last blog found me inna crazy headspace over my best (yet recently estranged) friend & the part that got me down the most was that my friend failed to recognize all of the positive personal work i've done lately...sounds really "therapy session" of me, but so be it...after a week or so of nonconverging schedules & short (not to mention dry) conversations my friend & i finally decided to spend some much needed catch-up time...we're in the car listenin to miles davis, gettin stoned, then all of a sudden...

friend: "so, what's up? how are you?"

me: "i'm great."

friend: "really?"

me: "why? do i seem weird?"

friend: "i mean, not weird...just pretty...lethargic..."


okay. maybe i'm trippin, but does the word lethargic not mean unresponsive? unalert? out of it? i'm thinkin, damn maybe it's cuz i'm stoned so ima lil slow right now...

me: "what do you mean by that?"

friend: "i don't know. you just don't seem to care about anything, you're just like whatever to everything."


okay. now maybe i'm really trippin cuz i don't see how me not being over the top about one thing as opposed to the other is me being unalert & unresponsive. my quest to get a clear explanation as to why my friend feels this way failed. i kept asking if there was somethin i did...one example as to how i'm seemingly lethargic simply because i'm more relaxed & carefree lately, and of course, there were no examples....

lemme continue to rewind: if there's one thing my friend can say about me it's that i'm pretty hi strung (or at least i used to be). the smallest thing would go wrong & i would freak out...instead of passin it off with a "well, shit happens. donc il va..." attitude i would let it consume me & ruin my entire day. i wasted a lot of energy with that mind state. i let petty situations stress me out when all i really had to do was take a deep breath & let it go...i lost my voice cussin & split my head bein mad & weighted my own shoulders with insecure thoughts when all i had to do was shut up & think positively.

the mind is one powerful bitch, man.

with all these beautiful things happenin in my life now i knew that i wanted to be able to enjoy them instead of lettin pessimism & stress overcome my blessings. i guess i kinda switched overnight...not to prove a point to anyone, not to create a facade...simply cuz it was time for this lil girl to grow up.

so, lethargic my friend, i am not. when u find the right word, however, lemme know.

coincidentally, another close friend of mine hit me up to tell me that i have a very unique way with "coping"...not sure if my friend means that inna good or bad way, but i'm assumin that my friend feels that it's not so good (in relation to how he copes) so i guess the bottom line today is that i'm pretty screwed up.

good for me. at least i can admit it.

honestly, i guess i'm just takin the "office space" approach to life. i remember when i worked a 9-9 & i would be a complete zombie at work, prayin for the day when i could do things my way & be free from the routine. now that day is finally here, so i may as well enjoy it cuz soon i'll have lil human beings to be responsible for (not anytime soon, but the day is comin). the phrase "live & let die" has been ringin in my head all day. good motto, ain't it?

beyond all that shit
i wanna say somethin about my weekend
but i won't
cuz it's too intense
i can't really find the words to describe it right now
cuz i'm sure
it'll only get better. i put "it" out into the atmosphere & "it" finally came to me. gotta love how the universe works.

no more blogs about my "personal journey".

(fingers/toes/eyes/lines crossed. suckers.)