20061225

happy fuckin xmas.


we drank like it was friggin new years eve.
i needed to let loose.
so..

we took 1 shot..
and as if that wasn't enough, we took another...
then we stopped to make some gangsta ass faces...
then we chased our shots with beers & crammed ourselves into the b&w photo booth...
then the liquor really started kick in...
so like true drunkies we struck a pose, met a random white boy, hung loose at the ms. pacman table, and just when we thought we were done our random white boy brought another random white boy for us to pose with...
then
everything got blurry & when i woke up it was xmas!

swear i won't drink for the rest of the year. ugh.
special seasons greetings go out to the short stop for making our first annual bah humbug party a complete success! oh, & a special shout to that pimp in the zebra print coat who ended up laid out in the middle of the street after the jam. just wouldn't be xmas without him.

20061223

four friday's faves...


a day late, but still great.

**juan.....silence. cuz i never knew the most beautiful words lie in the spaces between the spoken ones.

**to........my bed. cuz it's the softest, most beautiful place to share such unspoken words.

**free.....youtube. cuz of the over abundance of old music vids & live show clips. not to mention all the old school sitcom clips.

**phor....this guy. cuz he doesn't flop my show & he knows what time it is.

shhhhhhhhh...silent.

20061218

he said.


when we got in the car we get out of hand...

"She invited me places i came to fast, & now i'm calling her all the time, but she won't make no plans..."

all i wanted to do was get up in it with you.

okay. here we gooooo....

"all i really know is she's gangsta. man go out and vote she's gangsta. I don't want to leave yet, who knows what she'll think of next!"

yeah. our weekend was lovely.

20061215

"that's not music..."



"...it's masturbation."

faaaaaaaame. what u get is no tomorrow.
what u need is yours to borrow.
oops
i mean
i'm gonna live forever?

whatevs. dig the quote.

1nce again the nola darlin theory is controllin my airwaves. "venus to mars".
now i'm ready to fall in love.
thanks for nothin.

20061214

girl's first crush.



denise huxtable. i'm sorry, i mean lisa bonet. oops! excuse me miss lilakoi moon.
once again, i heart tbs.
cosby show. beloved episode where they perform "nite & day".
moon's outfit was straight monkey food*. black blouse w/ a scoop back that was connected with gold chains (& not to mention 80's shoulder pads) & crazy color print genie (or hammer) pants &&&&&& white leather gloves. and that fly lil hi-top fade cut.

*swoon*

and she's stillllllll bad.

damn, i gotta stop watchin the box.

*"monkey food" (c) my friend pen (hey, leroy jenkins).

20061213

damn that impulse.



okay, so i always do that. some random proclamation will pop into my head & i'll instantly start rantin & ravin about it, only to read it the next day & realize that
i still feel the same
but
i said it all wrong.

my mom told me once that all good things don't come wrapped inna pretty package.
today the random essence horoscope tells me that the image of what i want can be overshadowed by the reality of your potential love.
i've said it before.
right now i'm tryin to be honest with myself. i'm realizin what it is that i want & what i'm not willin to compromise myself & my time for. i'm onto a brannew phase in my life & i don't know who's forreal or who's fulla shit...even the people who i know are forreal in my life want a lot from me that i don't always wanna give. i'm finally learnin how to say no. i'm learnin how to relax. i'm learnin how to manage my money. i'm learnin how to enjoy my solitude. my own bed. i'm learnin the importance of real estate. self-esteem. forthrightness. forgiveness.
i'm growin up.
i've been in some serious relationships, back to back love affairs, "warm blanket" situations, empty friendships, etc & i'm finally ready to be inna one on one with myself.
when things are right in ur life the right person comes along to share in that righteousness.
so
ima get some shit of my own & wait for the "perfect" situation to come
cuz
it always does.

that may hurt ur feelings, but u deserve the truth. mick said it best.

so that's all i wanna say about that.

i do, however, always have music. i'm completely consumed by it. my entire focus is on this process & i don't expect anyone else to understand.
quite the little introvert
but
a happy one. so it's all money honey.

sigh...
and there u are again, dreamboy. flashin on the screen.
you've got a t.v. eye on me.
i swear i just said that i didn't wanna...nevermind.

20061212

dream, girl...


my daily tarot consistently tells me that i have my head in the clouds, & it's time i plant these feet on terra firma.
i say
fuck
my
daily
tarot.

the stars are aligned in somebody else's favor these days.
this game's not made for winning
yet
i'm willing to play it.

okay, enough cryptic shit.

today
i learned that i'm no good with love.
i don't know how to & frankly i don't wanna.
i'll use time as my "excuse".
what i said in my last blog is true: i'm learning to mix selectivity with my whimsy.
i ain't got time to be gabbin on the phone.
i ain't got time to "waste" out in the streets.
i don't have time to sell dreams, cuz i'm chasin my own.
i'm no good with love cuz love is no good with me.
it doesn't call when it says it will.
it doesn't fuck me long & hard enough.
it doesn't make me wanna be a better person.

music does.
so
to me
music is love.
so
lemme love my music first
and
i promise it'll teach me how to love u.

i'm a dream girl.
saw the movie & it was...good. my mind wasn't blown, but i was entertained.
made me realize that i need to ground myself in my art first & let the rest of this shit figure itself out.

whoever said women are dramatic must have never dated a man.

damn.
i thought i was done countin ur freckles.
i thought u were done recurrin.
waitin for u? never.
willin to share u? *same as above*
so, now what?

like i said
i'm a dream girl.
when will dream boy let me go?

honestly, it's not even about that.
i'm just so excited about my life these days that i can't speak/think clearly.
on the flipside
i'm surrounded by some dominant male energy & it's twistin me sideways.

i'll just take matty's advice & write a million songs about it.

in the meantime
i
dream dream like the song says.

20061208

tres friday's faves...


**one (for the money): garageband. even u can be a producer.
**too (many, too lil time!): medical marijuana.
**three (times a lady): adrian martinez. he keeps me laughin, drunk, & fashionable. watch out for us next year...we're comin with a few uppercuts.
**for (the ho in u): tall, lanky emcee boys with cool sneakers & cute smiles. i mean, all that AND they always know where the weed is at.
**five (golden riiiiiings): prince vs mike jac parties. i danced till i sweat out my fresh press. so old school.
**six (million ways 2 die): short boys with ill swaggers & fresh styles. they light my fire...i always want em to climb my legs.
**l8r (sk8r): happy hours at cha cha cha with my girls from hi school. them bitches should take their comedy show on the road.
**niiiiine ("& that's the magic numbaaaa"): tbs. they always air the cheesy/"guilty pleasure" flicks AAAAAND "saved by the bell" 4 times in the mornin. suhweetuh.
**ten (years gone): my lil bro miles cuz he kills it on the bball court. go cubs! parker, ur next baby...

i'm so sleepy i'm delirious.
it's all worth it cuz i'm workin. i'm not just hangin out in the streets like a hobo. goin out is like a treat to myself these days cuz i'm always wrapped up in my music. not complainin. simply sharin.
on the flipside
i'm also becomin an introvert. i only want to be around certain people, & i can count those folks on 1 hand. i don't really know what that's about, but i'm lovin myself rite now & i don't just wanna surround myself with any/everybody. i guess for 1nce in my life i'm learnin how to mix selectivity with my whimsy.
see...
delirium.

song of the day is by the nola darlin theory. "genuine". the ultimate breakup song. and "1970" by the stooges. the perfect "i'm on my way to a fun party" song.

oh yeah, go see "the fountain" w/ rachel weisz & wolverine. heavy. beautifully amazing visuals.

okay. time to ease the cabin fever.

20061202

i must be dreamin.


lyin here with u.
faces barely visible by candlelight
but
i can still see the contours of ur face.
a million freckles.
perfect teeth.
long legs entertwined with mine.
soft hands on the small of my back.
full lips pressed close to my forehead...my nose...bitin my chin...
faces barely visible
but
i can still see the color of ur eyes.

i guess i know u well.
how?
i'm not sure
but
everyone knows u.
everywhere i go
i see u.
just can't escape u.

when will u stop recurring?

i coulda sworn u were leavin.
even tho u won't really be gone
cuz
everywhere i go
i see u.

silence between us.

music on the surround sound
but
i don't care to listen.
countin ur breaths.
waitin for u to say it
but
u keep me wonderin.
i almost got it out of u that one time.
almost heard u makin it real
but
too many people know u.
too many people love u.
why me when u could have all the others?

i'm so weird & opposite.
i'm not voluptuous.
i'm not sweatin u
like
all the other girls seem to do.

u still
tell me secrets
and
ask me questions
and
let me teach u
and
share ur home
and
show me ur insides...
amongst other things.

it ain't sexual, eh?
we seem to connect in this metaphysical way.
even tho
i said i wasn't tryin to with u.

now i know i must be dreamin
cuz
u broke the silence.
finally said it.
finally did it.
finally...
i wake up.

sigh..........................................

thanks for bein my friday's fave.
hopefully
i'll see u 2nite.